1985

The year is 1985 and I find myself in direct communication with God
I am the messiah and have come to bring peace
I will get all the wars and the misunderstandings to cease
I have left my apartment and carved a verse from the bible in my door
"Seek and ye shall find" is what I implore
I set off to bring a message of hope and salvation
But wind up 302d and put in a psych ward after being given a citation
Four-point restraints was the prescription for me
Until the psychotic episode I was suffering from began to flee
A manic episode is what the doctors said I had
But I couldn't understand why my family and friends were all so sad
See I had touched the sky in a way that they would never know
And for that some became afraid and made me a foe
To those who were kind enough to hang in with me and visit
I owe you a great deal of gratitude and I'm indebted
Mania which was rarely ever heard about back then
Was just a chemical imbalance in the brain
Nothing I controlled caused me to go insane
They said that lithium was the only known cure
Unfortunately its side effects were impossible to endure
Weight and rashes attacked my body until I finally couldn't tolerate any more
I took myself off against medical advice and have lived fine ever since throughout my life
No debilitating mania or chronic depression to report that has driven me into a state of last resort
I have controlled my illness with patience and practice
Bicycling, music, journaling and relaxing
I finished school and held down many different careers
And viewed people on anti-depressants as weak and full of fears
Then I gave birth to a little boy and I had to switch gears
For him I needed to be there 24 - 7, there was no time to look after my needs while to him I was tending
And so after 20 years of white-knuckled control
I went looking for a prescription that wouldn't take such a harsh toll
After trying and trying to find the right one for me
Even getting what could've been Steven Johnsons which would have ended fatally
A combination of Depakote and Zoloft it would finally turn out to be
Now I can be the model that I want for my son
His name is Max and he was born in 2001
It is to him I owe it to regulate my mood
Which is just as important as nourishing him with food
I must set an example of how to be in control and stay fine
So he will grow up in the right frame of mind
The last thing I strive for is to erase the stigma
So that living with bipolar is not such an enigma
I am tired of the secrets, the guilt and the shame
Over something for which I should bear no blame
I conquered Manic Depression and the punishment it meted
That is something for which I feel I deserve undying praise and credit
For it is an accomplishment that should surely be feted!!!

(c) Judy Kroll 2007